In last week’s tidbits, there was an article on 10 ways to improve your romantic relationships. All of these are applicable to our business, so I converted it to our industry.
Our business thrives on the strength of your relationships. Whether it’s nurturing clients through hiring decisions or building trust with candidates, emotional connection and communication determine whether or not we’re successful. Interestingly, the very techniques used to strengthen romantic relationships can be retooled to make you a more trusted and effective recruiter.
Below, we take 10 relationship psychology strategies and apply them directly to the recruiting world. You’ll see how simple mindset shifts and communication upgrades can yield powerful results in your client and candidate experience.
- Focus on Positive Moments
Original Task: Notice and express one positive thing about your partner each day.
Recruiter Translation: Compliment your candidate or client every day. Not in a generic way, but something specific.
“I really admire how quickly you made a decision. It makes my job a lot easier.”
“Your post-interview feedback was the most comprehensive I’ve seen. Thank you.”
This builds the 5:1 positive-to-negative interaction ratio that keeps relationships strong and responsive.
- Use the 24-Hour Rule on Triggers
Original Task: Cool off before reacting to triggering situations.
Recruiter Translation: When a client or candidate frustrates you, pause.
Don’t shoot off the sharp email. Reflect on what triggered you. Was it a misunderstanding? Mismanaged expectations? Take 24 hours to cool off, clarify, and respond with professionalism and empathy.
This helps you shift from reactive to respected.
- Practice Active Listening
Original Task: Listen to understand, not respond.
Recruiter Translation: Mirror back what clients or candidates say before moving into advice.
“So what I’m hearing is that you’re hesitant to move forward without X in place. Did I get that right?”
When clients and candidates feel heard, they trust your guidance more and push back less.
- Share Emotion, Not Just Facts
Original Task: Use the Gentle Start Up: “I feel…about…because I need…”
Recruiter Translation: Be vulnerable, especially with long-time clients.
“I feel uneasy with an ambiguous salary range. I need to protect both our time by targeting the right candidates.”
Your honesty builds transparency and credibility. The more vulnerable you are, the more they’ll like you.
- Schedule Weekly Relationship Check-Ins
Original Task: Weekly couple’s meeting.
Recruiter Translation: Implement a standing check-in with key clients.
15 minutes each week to align on active searches, pipeline status, and feedback loops.
This creates predictability and ongoing momentum in the relationship.
- Nurture the Bond Daily
Original Task: 20-second hug or 6-second kiss.
Recruiter Translation: Add one small, kind gesture per day. Send a link to a relevant article, a quick text, or forward a potential candidate. Not every client every day, but more than you’re doing now.
Small consistent signals = long-term loyalty.
- Speak Their Language
Original Task: Understand your partner’s love language.
Recruiter Translation: Understand your client’s business love language.
Do they prefer phone over email? Bullet points over paragraphs? Do they value speed or thoroughness? Ask them. Mirror it. Build the GPT around their communication style.
They’ll feel more aligned and respected, but won’t actually know why.
- Fight Fairly (Even With Clients)
Original Task: Focus on feelings and needs, not blame.
Recruiter Translation: When feedback stings, stay professional.
“I understand the candidate missed the mark. Let’s go deeper so I can better align the next shortlist.”
Avoid defensiveness. Keep the dialogue moving forward.
- Build Trust With “We” Thinking
Original Task: Make small sacrifices to show you’re a team.
Recruiter Translation: Make decisions that show you care about their success, even when it’s inconvenient.
Be honest when a role isn’t competitive in market. Share negative feedback about the company.
It seems counterintuitive, but it builds long-term loyalty and referrals.
- Take Care of Yourself
Original Task: Do one thing for self-care each day.
Recruiter Translation: Take care of your own emotional hygiene. You can’t serve clients and candidates well when you’re burnt out, frazzled, or reactive.
Walk away from your screen. Do breathwork. Phone a friend. Drink water. Refuel.
Relationships Are Relationships
Whether we’re talking marriage or client/candidate relationships, the same principles apply. They all need consistency, trust, understanding, and mutual respect.
Stop working in a silo! Get the support you need from expert coaches and a group of high performing peers. Learn more below.
Tricia Tamkin, headhunter, advisor, coach, and gladiator. Tricia has spoken at over 50 recruiting events, been quoted in multiple national publications, and her name is often dropped in groups as the solution to any recruiters’ challenges. She brings over 30 years of deep recruiting experience and offers counsel in a way which is perspective changing and entertaining.
